Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I set up the 3G mobile hotspot application on my phone right before I left so I could connect my internet while I am on vacation. Today it just suddenly stopped working. I spent all day on the phone with Verizon. Part of the problem is that they have no network up here, so they can't send my phone any updates. I may be out of luck until I get back. The whole entire reason I set that up was so I could get online while I am here. I have an entire week left. If they can't get it working tomorrow I am cancelling and insisting that I not have to pay for anything but the two days it worked. My dad has a computer but other people use it, it has Internet Exporer which I loathe, and I hate sitting in an uncomfortable chair when I'm online. At least I'll be able to use wifi at the airport. Small consolation.

But this also means no data on my phone at all. No facebook. No email. No Weight Watchers app. Can't download anything new on my Kindle app. And my dad is constantly recording shows on the Dish network which means I can't watch anything else while he is recording. There is nothing to do here, I don't have a vehicle and I couldn't drive it if I did, and I'm so. Bored. The Verizon people were like, "Well you can still use wifi." Um. No, I'm in Alaska and I am nowhere near a wifi connecton. I am really wishing I had not switched from ATT now. Or at least went with some other service for my mobile internet. I never had any issues using ATT internet while on vacation.

My frustration today was reflected in my eating. My meals were fine. Had a strawberry and yogurt smoothie for breakfast, a pizza quesadilla for lunch, and salmon, rice and salad for dinner. I also made strawberry sorbet in my dad's 500$ blender, and a couple of protein bars. But then I had a peanut butter cookie, a package of peanut butter cups and an orange flavored Airheads candy that my daughter didn't want. Tomorrow is the last day of my week and I still have 14 weekly points left, so yeah I stayed on plan, but when I have things like cookies and candy I feel more comfortable with it being a planned thing of something I really wanted, and not a ticked off and out of control thing where I'm just eating what's available. Part of the problem too is that they have very little by the way of fruits here, and almost all of it is frozen. I'm sort of running out of ideas as to how to prepare it in ways that are still zero or low in points. I don't like raw vegetables either. Salad is not my thing, but they make it for dinner often, and I can't do it without dressing.

Maybe it was because I was already upset too, but my boyfriend posted on Facebook that he went to bed at 8 last night and it was glorious. It kind of hurt my feelings. Nothing about missing me, just how great it is to sleep without interruption. And the fact that I keep him up when I'm there did not escape me. I told him how I felt and he said he didn't mean it that way. That he had only gotten 2 hrs the night before, and he gets more than that when I'm there. He also said that spending time with me is better than sleeping. Even as we were texting I sort of knew I was overreacting, but I couldn't stop feeling hurt somehow. The last text I got from him was at 7:41 his time. I just feel really alone after he goes to sleep. At least when I am there I can hold him and touch his hair while he's asleep. When I'm gone he may as well not exist when we aren't in communication. Being away from him is hard, and things feel really chaotic but stir-crazy at the same time right now, so not feeling like I have that emotional support from him makes things harder.

I'm going to try to do better tomorrow with my eating. I think we're having spaghetti. I don't even so much mind if I use up some or the rest of my weeklies. I just don't want to be using them just to use them, and I want it to be primarily healthy foods. I am planning to bake cookies with my daughter tomorrow, which may be stepping into a landmine because I have a hard time limiting those. But we need something to do. I especially need to keep my mind off the fact that I can't check my email and Facebook every ten minutes. I swear I am going through withdrawls. I am not a patient person. There are no chocolate chips at least, so I don't think wanting to eat half the dough will be a problem. We're just going to have to forage around and see what we can come up with. Cooking here is like an episode of Chopped. And your mystery basket ingredients are... It's just not stuff I normally cook and I don't know what to do with it, or else I just don't like it.

Really I've just felt uneasy since I have gotten here. I wonder if part of it is that my parents are preparing ot move out of state and everything is boxed up, lots of things are just gone. Things we've had since I was little, like furniture and stuff. There's new paint, new carpet, new appliances and light fixtures and flooring. It doesn't feel like hom anymore. And this will be the last time I am here. If I could go back right now. If I could just take my daughter back with me and send her home at the end of spring break, I would do it.

No comments:

Post a Comment