My scale at home is not accurate. It fluctuates by over a pound for no good reason. I found this out at my weigh in today where I was expecting a loss but instead had a 0.8 lb gain. It wouldn't bother me as much if I had seen it coming. I put my home scale away, because it's no good to me right now. There's really no point in weighing at home if it's not at least consistent.
To make it all worse, I had some fillings this morning before the meeting, and this time when the novacaine wore off it HURT! My jaw, the tooth, my tongue, everything hurt. The dentist warned me it would, but I didn't think it would hurt that much. I got a cheeseburger from McDonald's right after the meeting since I was starved (I ate really early because my appointment was at 9am, and it took me a while to get there), and it was the most unpleasant unsatisfying cheeseburger ever. It just hurt to eat it, and my teeth were still covered in flouride paste (which made me sick to my stomach for a while too).
I did get my errands done. Got the painting supplies I needed, my prescriptions, did some grocery shopping. I even got in a (very expensive) haircut. But I wanted to cry the whole time because I was not feeling well and was hurting a lot. It was really cold and windy out too. I'm still cold. I just wanted to go home and get in bed. I had a lot of dishes to do though, and I had to make dinner, and then after dinner I had to go to another store to get the stuff they didn't have at the first store. I took some Aleve at least, which helped the pain. I made broccoli cheese soup for dinner, which was pretty good. I didn't blend it, but I cooked the broccoli very soft.
Now I'm laying in bed and some butthole is standing outside right by my window talking loudly on his phone. I hate my neighborhood.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Weigh in tomorrow
Tomorrow is a massively busy day. I have a dentist appointment at 9:00 AM for three more fillings. I have to pick up more painter's tape and roller tray liners. I have to go to my Weight Watcher's meeting. I have to refill my prescriptions. And I have to go grocery shopping. The best part is that none of the places I have to go are near each other. I'm going to be on the bus a lot tomorrow. I hope the weather is decent, since I will be walking quite a bit too, but right now the forecast is not looking great.
I am feeling good about the weigh in. I think I should have at least a small loss. I should feel better about it than I do. I'm starting to wonder when exactly I stop seeing myself as a fat person? I feel like I'm always going to be a fat person. I often feel like my goal weight is too high, even though it's a few pounds under the lowest weight I have ever maintained without starving myself. Even though just getting there is probably going to take me until the end of this year because it's just coming off so slowly. I know that part of it is the extra skin and fat that just isn't all going to go away. Even if I lost 30 or 40 more pounds, it will be there to some degree. I see pictures of women who have lost twice as much as me, and don't have that big hanging lump of fat on their arms. Soon it's going to be hot outside again, and I get to choose between burning up or being self conscious because my body parts don't "match." Yay.
I am feeling good about the weigh in. I think I should have at least a small loss. I should feel better about it than I do. I'm starting to wonder when exactly I stop seeing myself as a fat person? I feel like I'm always going to be a fat person. I often feel like my goal weight is too high, even though it's a few pounds under the lowest weight I have ever maintained without starving myself. Even though just getting there is probably going to take me until the end of this year because it's just coming off so slowly. I know that part of it is the extra skin and fat that just isn't all going to go away. Even if I lost 30 or 40 more pounds, it will be there to some degree. I see pictures of women who have lost twice as much as me, and don't have that big hanging lump of fat on their arms. Soon it's going to be hot outside again, and I get to choose between burning up or being self conscious because my body parts don't "match." Yay.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Not good
I visited my friend last night. His wife of three months left him. I found out that she currently has a restraining order against him, and it's for domestic abuse. I was worried something like that would happen. He has schizophrenia and hasn't been seeing a doctor or taking medication. In addition, he's an alcoholic.
Since she left he has quit drinking and is seeing a doctor, which I am glad for. He wants her to come back, but honestly I think she's making the right decision by leaving. He has known for a long time he needs help. I'm sorry that it's taken this happening to get him to seek help.
On a positive note, my weight this morning was the lowest I have seen in 13 years! I'm hoping for a good weigh in on Thursday.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Lots of cooking
I've been doing lots of cooking lately. Yesterday I made a crustless quiche with turkey sausage, spinach, and smoked gouda. Today I have a lentil soup in the slow cooker with Tofurky beer brats, carrots, fennel and a bottle of Guinness. I also have a loaf of banana bread baking. I'm going to visit a friend this evening who's going through a rough time in life, and I made him a loaf of banana bread.
I'm still on plan with my eating. Jeremy took me to the Cheesecake Factory on Friday, and I used up half of my weeklies there. I used most of the rest of them yesterday, on Easter candy of course! I have four left as of today, but I usually get at least 2-3 activity points a day too. I've decided to switch my weigh in day back to Thursdays since I won't be working during that meeting at all. It's a lot harder getting through the weekend when I weigh in on Mondays. I just didn't do very well.
I talked to my daughter yesterday, and realized I only have one more month until she arrives! I still have to finish painting and putting carpet tile into the living room, and set up her bedroom area.
I'm still on plan with my eating. Jeremy took me to the Cheesecake Factory on Friday, and I used up half of my weeklies there. I used most of the rest of them yesterday, on Easter candy of course! I have four left as of today, but I usually get at least 2-3 activity points a day too. I've decided to switch my weigh in day back to Thursdays since I won't be working during that meeting at all. It's a lot harder getting through the weekend when I weigh in on Mondays. I just didn't do very well.
I talked to my daughter yesterday, and realized I only have one more month until she arrives! I still have to finish painting and putting carpet tile into the living room, and set up her bedroom area.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Yay!
Not only did I have a loss today, but it was a 1.8 lb loss! So, not only did I lose the one pound I gained last week, but an additional 0.8! I'm back on the right track and my eating has been much better.
I made smoked salmon chowder for lunch. Jeremy hates salmon, so I made a smaller batch. It makes 5 cups and the whole pot is 17 points.
3 cups water
1 extra large chicken boullion cube (or 2 regular ones)
1 1/2 lbs yukon gold potatoes, cubed
1 medium carrot, sliced
1/4 cup frozen corn
1/2 tsp black pepper
4 oz. smoked salmon
1 T corn starch
1/2 c half and half
1 T dried minced onion
Bring water, boullion, onions and pepper to boil. Add potatoes, carrots, corn, and smoked salmon torn into small pieces. Boil until potatoes and carrots are tender. Mix corn starch with a small amount of water and add to pot. Remove from heat and add half and half.
I made smoked salmon chowder for lunch. Jeremy hates salmon, so I made a smaller batch. It makes 5 cups and the whole pot is 17 points.
3 cups water
1 extra large chicken boullion cube (or 2 regular ones)
1 1/2 lbs yukon gold potatoes, cubed
1 medium carrot, sliced
1/4 cup frozen corn
1/2 tsp black pepper
4 oz. smoked salmon
1 T corn starch
1/2 c half and half
1 T dried minced onion
Bring water, boullion, onions and pepper to boil. Add potatoes, carrots, corn, and smoked salmon torn into small pieces. Boil until potatoes and carrots are tender. Mix corn starch with a small amount of water and add to pot. Remove from heat and add half and half.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
On a soup kick
I've never been much of a cook, but the few things I know how to make I do make well. I am happy to say that I have finally nailed making soup. It's something that has been very hit or miss for me in the past, but I think I finally know what I'm doing. Generally speaking, I do not do recipes. Not unless I'm baking. This is sort of my downfall, but sometimes it works in my favor when things turn out well. I think it's maybe because I'm picky and only like certain foods combined with certain other foods, so it's hard to find recipes that work for me. I don't know. I also like to keep recipes pretty simple. More than 6 or 7 ingredients is just too many. I have almost no counter space for preparation. I watch a lot of those cooking challenge shows, like Chopped and Iron Chef, and I really think I'm becoming a better cook just from watching them and picking up little tricks and hints.
I have all kinds of soups planned for the next week. Tomorrow I'm making smoked salmon chowder with potatoes, corn, and carrots. I'm also planning a broccoli cheese soup, and a lentil soup with veggie beer brats, dark beer, and fennel. I have to see if we have a crock pot somewhere. Jeremy thinks we might have one, but he's not sure. I seem to remember it being in the cabinet by the fridge. Hmmm...
I went back to the dentist today and got four more fillings. It was initially painful when the novacaine wore off, but it's much better now. I think I might actually have a loss at the weigh in tomorrow. That would be nice.
I have all kinds of soups planned for the next week. Tomorrow I'm making smoked salmon chowder with potatoes, corn, and carrots. I'm also planning a broccoli cheese soup, and a lentil soup with veggie beer brats, dark beer, and fennel. I have to see if we have a crock pot somewhere. Jeremy thinks we might have one, but he's not sure. I seem to remember it being in the cabinet by the fridge. Hmmm...
I went back to the dentist today and got four more fillings. It was initially painful when the novacaine wore off, but it's much better now. I think I might actually have a loss at the weigh in tomorrow. That would be nice.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Goat cheese, leek and potato soup
This wound up at 28 points plus for the whole pot, which is about 10-11 cups total.
1 1/2 lbs yukon gold potatoes
2 leeks
6 cups water
3 extra large chicken boullion cubes (or 6 regular ones)
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup half and half
4 oz goat cheese
Combine water, boullion cubes and black pepper in a pot and bring to a boil. Cut potatoes and leeks into large chunks and add to pot. Boil until soft. Reduce to medium-low heat and remove the potatoes and leeks from the pot and add to the blender with about a cup of the liquid. Blend on high until smooth. Pour the blended veggies back into the pot. Add half and half and soft goat cheese cut into chunks. Whisk until goat cheese is melted and well incorporated.
Figured something out
I realized something last night. While I was in Alaska I stopped taking my mood stabilizers. I felt they were making my overactive bladder worse, and it had gotten so bad I couldn't sleep. I planned to start up again once the symptoms were well controlled, but it took me a while. I waited about three weeks, until I started to notice I was cycling again.
My plan was to gradually increase my doses so it would be less of a shock to my system. I've been taking a very low dose for the last week.
I realized that ever since I quit taking it I have been struggling massively with wanting to eat all the time. It kind of makes sense there would be a connection since the meds were responsible for the majority of my weight loss to begin with.
I increased my dose today. I think once I am back to my full dose it will help a lot. I need to be better about taking it consistently too, because there is a difference in my eating when I forget a lot of doses.
I have been on plan since Sunday, though not without difficulty. The fact that my mouth has been sore/sensitive was probably my saving grace. My morning weigh-ins have not been great. It may take a while to undo the damage I've done. Right now I will be happy if I don't have another gain at my next weigh in. I am going to weigh in friday since I am off that day and I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friend Makin' Monday- The Grociery Store
If you have never done FMM before, check out All The Weigh for the rules.
1. Do you make a list when you go grocery shopping? Do you stick to it? I rarely make lists, but when I do I usually stick to them. If I make a list it's because I am making something specific, or because I'm on a limited budget.
2. Do you buy more groceries when you're hungry? Yes. I actually avoid shopping when I am stuffed or not feeling well because I come home with practically nothing.
3. Coupons. Use 'em? Pretty much never. Sometimes I get the ones that print out at the register. If it's for something free I usually redeem it.
4. Have you ever complained to the manager of your grocery store? Can't think of a time I have.
5. Do you like to buy groceries at huge chain stores like Wal-Mart and Target? Or do you shop exclusively at food stores? I'm not anywhere close to a Wal-mart or Target. I shop mainly at Safeway, QFC, Trader Joe's, and Grocery Outlet. Sometimes I got to Cash 'N Carry for certain things too.
6. How much time do you spend reading labels in the grocery store? I look at the labels of anything I haven't bought before.
7. Do you push your own grocery cart to the car and return it? I don't have a car.
8. What is the one food item you always buy at the grocery store that you must have in the kitchen? Bananas, light soy milk, and frozen fruit.
9. Do you enjoy grocery shopping? Not really. I hate going when it's busy.
10. How often do you shop for groceries? Almost every day. I can't carry a whole lot at a time, and I like my produce to be pretty fresh.
Went to the dentist
The first dentist I called asked if I could come in immediately, so I did. They were pretty close too. About two miles, which is walkable, but I took the bus so I could get there quicker. He basically just filled the tooth. He said it would need a crown at some point in the future but he wants to let the nerves heal first. I am going back in Thursday for a cleaning and some more fillings. I've been neglecting my teeth badly, so it's kind of a relief to just be getting stuff done, even though it's too damn expensive.
I still can't feel half of my mouth from the novacaine. I haven't eaten any solid food since I broke the tooth. I made a pureed veggie and cheese soup last night for dinner that turned out really good.
I just threw together some stuff I had in the fridge. It has 30 points for the whole recipe and makes around 9-10 cups, so one cup is about 3 points.
1 medium zucchini
2 cups raw cauliflower
6 cups prepared chicken boullion or chicken broth
2 T dried minced onion
1 T ground sage
1 t black pepper
1 cup half and half
4 .75 oz slices 2% American cheese
1 cup shredded 2% cheese (any kind)
2 T corn starch
Add together six cups of water and boullion (or chicken broth), minced onion, ground sage and black pepper and bring to a boil. Add coarsely chopped veggies. Boil for about 5-7 minutes until veggies are cooked soft. Turn heat to medium low and place veggies plus about one cup of liquid into a blender. Blend on high until smooth. Return blended veggies to the pot. Add half and half and stir. Tear American cheese into smaller pieces and add to the pot and stir until melted. Add shredded cheese and stir until melted. Mix corn starch with a little water to make a paste and stir into the soup until well blended. Continue cooking on low heat until the soup thickens a little.
Don't add any salt to it because between the boullion and the cheese it's a bit salty already. If you want it less salty I'd use a little less boullion, or use low sodium chicken broth instead.
Jeremy suggested using the same base to make potato leek soup. I had the idea of adding goat cheese to it. Maybe we'll pick up some leeks and potatoes tonight and make it.
I still can't feel half of my mouth from the novacaine. I haven't eaten any solid food since I broke the tooth. I made a pureed veggie and cheese soup last night for dinner that turned out really good.
I just threw together some stuff I had in the fridge. It has 30 points for the whole recipe and makes around 9-10 cups, so one cup is about 3 points.
1 medium zucchini
2 cups raw cauliflower
6 cups prepared chicken boullion or chicken broth
2 T dried minced onion
1 T ground sage
1 t black pepper
1 cup half and half
4 .75 oz slices 2% American cheese
1 cup shredded 2% cheese (any kind)
2 T corn starch
Add together six cups of water and boullion (or chicken broth), minced onion, ground sage and black pepper and bring to a boil. Add coarsely chopped veggies. Boil for about 5-7 minutes until veggies are cooked soft. Turn heat to medium low and place veggies plus about one cup of liquid into a blender. Blend on high until smooth. Return blended veggies to the pot. Add half and half and stir. Tear American cheese into smaller pieces and add to the pot and stir until melted. Add shredded cheese and stir until melted. Mix corn starch with a little water to make a paste and stir into the soup until well blended. Continue cooking on low heat until the soup thickens a little.
Don't add any salt to it because between the boullion and the cheese it's a bit salty already. If you want it less salty I'd use a little less boullion, or use low sodium chicken broth instead.
Jeremy suggested using the same base to make potato leek soup. I had the idea of adding goat cheese to it. Maybe we'll pick up some leeks and potatoes tonight and make it.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Yesterday kind of sucked
Not all of it, but enough of it. First, we took the bus to the art museum, only to find that they had just closed. Ok, lame, but we can go back. We still had three hours till the Bryan Adams concert, so we took the bus back home.
Then, half an hour before we had to leave again I sat/fell sort of awkwardly onto the bed. The skirt of my brand new dress, a gift from my boyfriend and the only one I have that fits, got pinned under me somehow and pulled too tight. As I sat down it tore. Not on the seam either. The fabric is pretty thin and it just ripped, about two inches. It wasn't fixable. I started crying at this point. I never even got to wear it.
I changed into something else and we went to the concert. The concert was good, and nothing went wrong there. After the concert I just wanted fattening food. We went to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants and had dinner, drinks, and dessert. It was good, even though it may not have been the best decision. But when I've had an upsetting day, those compulsions are strong.
I stopped on the way home and got some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream (yes, I was still upset). I was about a quarter cup into it when I felt something in there thst was hard, like a pebble, but with the chocolate chips I wasn't able to locate it, and it got swallowed. Then something on the left side of my mouth felt weird. I ran my tongue over it and went and looked in the mirror. Half of one of my molars was gone. I put the ice cream away immediately. It doesn't hurt but it feels really nervy. I'm kind of afraid to eat right now.
I have dental insurance through my boyfriend's work. He's going to get info for me so I can find a dentist. I just don't have the money for this right now. I don't even know what they do for that.
I have also found out over the last few days that intermittant fasting does NOT work for me. I never really felt hungry, but just knowing I couldn't eat made me obsess about food, and I wound up binging worse than I ever used to. I'm going to have to try something else.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Weigh in
Just a quick check in. I did have a one pound gain today. I have a strategy for taking that pound back off and busting through this plateau though. I hope it works.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Aww man.
We set "Addicted to Food" to record last night, but for some reason it did not record. Lame. It's on again at 3am. I'm not staying up that late, but we set it to record again. I'm not sure how I feel about the show yet, but it seems interesting. It's a very different approach than, say, The Biggest Loser.
I am 99% sure I will have a gain tomorrow in my weigh in. It was going to happen eventually. Every ten pounds I hit a sticking point in the same place, and I'm pretty sure it's happening now. Last time I got through the plateau by cutting my calories drastically for a week, which may not have been the best method. I don't know. The time before that it was a stomach flu, after which I didn't regain the weight. I'm not sure if I should stay the course and hope for the best, or if I should try something different this time. I'm looking into options.
I'm thinking about maybe trying intermittent fasting, which is not as extreme as it sounds. One method is just skipping meals occasionally if you don't feel hungry. Another is to only eat during a shorter window during the day, like 6 or 8 hours. And it's only long enough to break the plateau. After that you go back to your usual plan. I'm mulling it over.
I am 99% sure I will have a gain tomorrow in my weigh in. It was going to happen eventually. Every ten pounds I hit a sticking point in the same place, and I'm pretty sure it's happening now. Last time I got through the plateau by cutting my calories drastically for a week, which may not have been the best method. I don't know. The time before that it was a stomach flu, after which I didn't regain the weight. I'm not sure if I should stay the course and hope for the best, or if I should try something different this time. I'm looking into options.
I'm thinking about maybe trying intermittent fasting, which is not as extreme as it sounds. One method is just skipping meals occasionally if you don't feel hungry. Another is to only eat during a shorter window during the day, like 6 or 8 hours. And it's only long enough to break the plateau. After that you go back to your usual plan. I'm mulling it over.
Getting a pedicure
I'm actually getting one right now. I work at a nail salon, so that's one of the only really good perks I get. It's s-l-o-w right now, so I'm finally getting my feet done. For the first time since January. She is painting them a soft turquoise color. I am planning to wear open toed white shoes to the concert this Saturday, and it should look pretty cute.
I'm going to go to the meeting tomorrow and weigh in. I have been fairly good with eating for the last few days. I have not used any weekly points, but I've used all my activity points.
I brought a chicken salad sandwich, two clementines, a low carb yogurt, some Jell-O, dried peaches, and a tablespoon of chocolate chips with me today. For dinner I am making chicken Caesar salad. I need to go to the grocery store badly.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Aww!
My sweetie surprised me today with a new dress he ordered from Delia's . I get the catalogs in the mail. We have tickets to see Bryan Adams this Saturday that he got me for Valentine's day, and I am planning to wear it then. This is the dress. I wish I looked this good in it, but it fits just right and is cute:
Here's a photo of the Jell-O I made with lemon pudding mix in the bottom layer. Not the best photo, what with the cat sniffing it and all, but it's really good, especially with a good sized dollop of whipped topping on it.
I also found some Mio at Safeway which I have been wanting to try. I got the strawberry watermelon. It's really good. It doesn't have that artificial aftertaste to it at all. I want to try it in Diet 7-Up sometime. It was on sale for $3.49 and you get a good sized bottle for that.
I didn't eat much earlier today because of the stomach cramps. I wound up with 29 points, which included a smoothie I made with soy milk, orange cream sherbet, a banana, and frozen peaches in order to get in a few extra points, a dairy serving, and some fruit servings. I need to plan out tomorrow's food. I have no idea what to make. We have cod and pre-cooked chicken strips in the freezer, and virtually no veggies. I'll have to stop at the store tomorrow after work. I can take a sandwich, some Jell-O, and some clementines for lunch I guess, and do a smoothie for breakfast. I have to be at work at 11, so I probably won't much feel like getting up early to make pancakes and sausage.
Here's a photo of the Jell-O I made with lemon pudding mix in the bottom layer. Not the best photo, what with the cat sniffing it and all, but it's really good, especially with a good sized dollop of whipped topping on it.
I also found some Mio at Safeway which I have been wanting to try. I got the strawberry watermelon. It's really good. It doesn't have that artificial aftertaste to it at all. I want to try it in Diet 7-Up sometime. It was on sale for $3.49 and you get a good sized bottle for that.
I didn't eat much earlier today because of the stomach cramps. I wound up with 29 points, which included a smoothie I made with soy milk, orange cream sherbet, a banana, and frozen peaches in order to get in a few extra points, a dairy serving, and some fruit servings. I need to plan out tomorrow's food. I have no idea what to make. We have cod and pre-cooked chicken strips in the freezer, and virtually no veggies. I'll have to stop at the store tomorrow after work. I can take a sandwich, some Jell-O, and some clementines for lunch I guess, and do a smoothie for breakfast. I have to be at work at 11, so I probably won't much feel like getting up early to make pancakes and sausage.
Super crampy
Not like period cramps this time. That's finally over. Just bad abdominal cramping. Really bad. I'm laying down with a heating pad, and that helps. I think I'll just go to Thursday's meeting and weigh in.
I would not have lost today. I think I'd have wound up with a small gain. I've hit what I know to be a plateau point for me. I think I will have to be more diligent this week with tracking, not taking bites of things and tastes unless I track it, maybe not use up each and every point. I'm going to need to work at breaking this plateau. They keep getting harder and harder.
I wound up scrubbing the floor, fridge, stove, and cabinets in the kitchen last night. Both because it needed to be done badly and to earn some more activity points to make up for some chips of Jeremy's I had finished.
My doctor called and got everything cleared up. She said she'd fax the form back to Aflac. Now I just get to wait. I should be getting the first check they sent today, or tomorrow at the latest.
Jeremy has the rest of the day off because someone on his team at work died this weekend. He worked from home, and Jeremy has been there less than a year, so Jeremy didn't really know him, but a lot of other people did so most of them had called in or left early anyway.
My mom gave me some black peony poppy seeds she had collected from the yard. I put up 1/4 tsp of them on Listia.com and got 474 credits for them! I really need a new usb drive, and they come up on there a lot, so that will help. I'm keeping an eye out for pants I can wear to work too. I have three pairs right now. One has holes and one is too big.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Hanging in there
I have zero weekly points left, and one more day before weigh in. I work tomorrow, which mean I should get at least 2 activity points walking to and from the bus stop.
I made a crustless quiche tonight with broccoli, cheese, and turkey sausage. It turned out pretty good. You can tell it's made to be a little lower in fat, but it has good flavor and it's not too low in fat. I ate a quarter of it and Jeremy ate half. I'm having the rest of it for lunch tomorrow with some clementines.
I also made up another layered Jell-O and I can't wait to try it. I used two boxes of sugar free cherry Jell-O and the first layer also has a box of lemon sugar free pudding mix blended in. I smells just like cherry lemonade from Hot Dog On A Stick! You can have quite a lot of it for one point too. I'll have to post some pictures tomorrow, because it's a really pretty color. :)
I made a crustless quiche tonight with broccoli, cheese, and turkey sausage. It turned out pretty good. You can tell it's made to be a little lower in fat, but it has good flavor and it's not too low in fat. I ate a quarter of it and Jeremy ate half. I'm having the rest of it for lunch tomorrow with some clementines.
I also made up another layered Jell-O and I can't wait to try it. I used two boxes of sugar free cherry Jell-O and the first layer also has a box of lemon sugar free pudding mix blended in. I smells just like cherry lemonade from Hot Dog On A Stick! You can have quite a lot of it for one point too. I'll have to post some pictures tomorrow, because it's a really pretty color. :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Today was not a great day
Let's just say I have 8 weekly points left, and I used half of my weekly points today. I tracked everything, and this week is far from a lost cause. I have 3 days left till weigh in and there is even a little wiggle room left, so I am going to be ok. The numbers on the scale look less than encouraging right now, but I know that I can eat every single weekly point and activity point I get and still lose a little, so I am just going to relax, finish out my week on plan, and not worry about it. Even if I don't have a loss on Monday it will be ok.
I know that stress eating was behind this. My day did not go well. I didn't get to sleep until pretty late last night, and the cats were being assholes all morning and waking me up. When I finally got up I had three people texting me at once. I was rushing around because my ex boyfriend was on is way over to pick up an aquarium from me that he decided he needed asap and I hadn't eaten and was still in pajamas. I had to run to the drug store for something and it was still raining and cold.
When I got back I called Aflac about the missing money and it turned out that both my employer and my doctor had filled out their forms incorrectly. They said I could have them correct the parts that needed changed and fax them back in but since I had all the originals in my possession this was not going to be a picnic. I'm just going to have my manager fix hers tomorrow since I will be there anyway, and my home location is an hour away (I work both in downtown Seattle, which I can walk to, and in Bellevue, which is across the bridge on the east side, but the Bellevue location is considered my home location and that manager is the one who deals with all my paperwork). My doctor's office said to fax it in with instructions, so I had to walk half a mile to a copy shop and pay to fax it.
A nurse called me back two hours later and told me that my doctor was out of town and she had not left any notes in my file indicating that I was released to only work part time, but she would have her call me first thing Monday morning to get it sorted. Aflac had said that they would have to call my employer and doctor to verify the corrections, which will hold things up further. Basically this means it's going to be about two more weeks before I get the rest of my money.
I then remembered around 5pm that I had forgotten to thaw out some chicken for dinner. Jeremy wound up paying for Subway for both of us. I didn't get some things done that I wanted to do today, I'm super stressed over money, I owe 150$ on my taxes and I'm going to have to pay 50$ to set up a payment plan because there is no way I will have the money by then to just pay it, plus I am 20$ short of my next Weight Watchers payment, and it's coming out in a few days, so I will very likely have to borrow from my boyfriend for that. We are also running out of food and I can't buy any more right now, so he has to buy that too in addition to paying pretty much all of the bills. Even if I were getting my Aflac and everything on time, my huge priority is getting child support paid, and buying her plane ticket to come down for the summer which has to be done soon.
I also have this mysterious rash on my face that won't go away. I have no idea what's causing it and it's gross.
I am just feeling very pulled in every direction right now, and that the one thing I am doing to contribute until I am making a decent income again (make the damn dinner) I managed to mess up. One good thing about that is that Jeremy has given his blessing for me to use Dreamfield's pasta when I make dinner. It's hard for me to come up with low carb stuff we both like every night without constantly eating the same things (which is not a situation for me as I am much more likely to toss up my hands and say "screw it" if what I have planned for dinner really doesn't sound appetizing). This option gives me some much needed flexibility. I only use 1 oz for each serving (about a half a cup cooked) but it's enough to really bulk up a bowl of protein and veggies and make it seem more filling and substantial.
I used some last night in our dinner and it turned out soooo good.
I sauteed 6 oz of peeled shrimp and a sliced medium zucchini in 2 tsp of canola oil. Then while it was still warm I added in 2 oz of herbed goat cheese from Trader Joe's and just stirred it around till the cheese melted and coated everything nicely. Last I added in a cup of cooked pasta and a quarter cup of shredded mozzarella and tossed it together. Half of the recipe is 9 points plus, and it tasted really indulgent, like something that should be much pointier. It was a good amount of food too. Probably about a cup and a half for each serving.
I know that stress eating was behind this. My day did not go well. I didn't get to sleep until pretty late last night, and the cats were being assholes all morning and waking me up. When I finally got up I had three people texting me at once. I was rushing around because my ex boyfriend was on is way over to pick up an aquarium from me that he decided he needed asap and I hadn't eaten and was still in pajamas. I had to run to the drug store for something and it was still raining and cold.
When I got back I called Aflac about the missing money and it turned out that both my employer and my doctor had filled out their forms incorrectly. They said I could have them correct the parts that needed changed and fax them back in but since I had all the originals in my possession this was not going to be a picnic. I'm just going to have my manager fix hers tomorrow since I will be there anyway, and my home location is an hour away (I work both in downtown Seattle, which I can walk to, and in Bellevue, which is across the bridge on the east side, but the Bellevue location is considered my home location and that manager is the one who deals with all my paperwork). My doctor's office said to fax it in with instructions, so I had to walk half a mile to a copy shop and pay to fax it.
A nurse called me back two hours later and told me that my doctor was out of town and she had not left any notes in my file indicating that I was released to only work part time, but she would have her call me first thing Monday morning to get it sorted. Aflac had said that they would have to call my employer and doctor to verify the corrections, which will hold things up further. Basically this means it's going to be about two more weeks before I get the rest of my money.
I then remembered around 5pm that I had forgotten to thaw out some chicken for dinner. Jeremy wound up paying for Subway for both of us. I didn't get some things done that I wanted to do today, I'm super stressed over money, I owe 150$ on my taxes and I'm going to have to pay 50$ to set up a payment plan because there is no way I will have the money by then to just pay it, plus I am 20$ short of my next Weight Watchers payment, and it's coming out in a few days, so I will very likely have to borrow from my boyfriend for that. We are also running out of food and I can't buy any more right now, so he has to buy that too in addition to paying pretty much all of the bills. Even if I were getting my Aflac and everything on time, my huge priority is getting child support paid, and buying her plane ticket to come down for the summer which has to be done soon.
I also have this mysterious rash on my face that won't go away. I have no idea what's causing it and it's gross.
I am just feeling very pulled in every direction right now, and that the one thing I am doing to contribute until I am making a decent income again (make the damn dinner) I managed to mess up. One good thing about that is that Jeremy has given his blessing for me to use Dreamfield's pasta when I make dinner. It's hard for me to come up with low carb stuff we both like every night without constantly eating the same things (which is not a situation for me as I am much more likely to toss up my hands and say "screw it" if what I have planned for dinner really doesn't sound appetizing). This option gives me some much needed flexibility. I only use 1 oz for each serving (about a half a cup cooked) but it's enough to really bulk up a bowl of protein and veggies and make it seem more filling and substantial.
I used some last night in our dinner and it turned out soooo good.
I sauteed 6 oz of peeled shrimp and a sliced medium zucchini in 2 tsp of canola oil. Then while it was still warm I added in 2 oz of herbed goat cheese from Trader Joe's and just stirred it around till the cheese melted and coated everything nicely. Last I added in a cup of cooked pasta and a quarter cup of shredded mozzarella and tossed it together. Half of the recipe is 9 points plus, and it tasted really indulgent, like something that should be much pointier. It was a good amount of food too. Probably about a cup and a half for each serving.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Birthday Jell-O
Today was my boyfriend's 35th birthday. He likes penguins and has a large collection of them. So I made him a penguin birthday Jell-O.
I used sugar free peach flavored Jell-O which I made teal colored with food coloring. You can't see from the pictures, but it has a bottom creamy layer made by mixing vanilla instant pudding mix into the first Jell-O layer. The second layer is plain. I decorated it with gummy penguins and light Cool Whip. It was actually pretty good. We're too broke to do anything for his birthday, but we may go to the Seattle Art Museum this Saturday for the current special exhibit since we both have memberships and admission is free with that. It depends on if he's feeling up to it though.
I did a little better with snacking at work today. I did have a handful of chili caramel corn and three mini candy canes, but much better than yesterday. I'm off work tomorrow but I have lots to do. I just called Aflac's automated line, and it said they sent out my check for the temp disability (I still get a lesser amount while working part time) but it's for a stupidly low amount. So I'm trying not to stress out about it until I talk to them, but I REALLY need that money. My next paycheck isn't until the 13th, and it will mostly be eaten up by a month's worth of insurance premiums.
I used sugar free peach flavored Jell-O which I made teal colored with food coloring. You can't see from the pictures, but it has a bottom creamy layer made by mixing vanilla instant pudding mix into the first Jell-O layer. The second layer is plain. I decorated it with gummy penguins and light Cool Whip. It was actually pretty good. We're too broke to do anything for his birthday, but we may go to the Seattle Art Museum this Saturday for the current special exhibit since we both have memberships and admission is free with that. It depends on if he's feeling up to it though.
I did a little better with snacking at work today. I did have a handful of chili caramel corn and three mini candy canes, but much better than yesterday. I'm off work tomorrow but I have lots to do. I just called Aflac's automated line, and it said they sent out my check for the temp disability (I still get a lesser amount while working part time) but it's for a stupidly low amount. So I'm trying not to stress out about it until I talk to them, but I REALLY need that money. My next paycheck isn't until the 13th, and it will mostly be eaten up by a month's worth of insurance premiums.
Today = tons of random candy
I kind of hate that there is always candy at work. When it's slow and I have nothing to do it's hard to leave it alone. Today I ate 3 Dove miniatures, 6 mini candy canes, 5 big malt balls, and a small handful of caramel corn with chili in it (kind of neat) for a total of 8 points. I had two pumpkin brownies instead of one after dinner too. Otherwise I ate everything else I had planned exactly, so I got in all my good health guidelines and had 8 servings of fruits and vegetables total, which is awesome. To be fair, I started getting cramps at work. I was feeling crabby, and it was hard being there. All told, it wasn't too bad. I earned 3 activity points today, walking to and from work, and I used 8 of my weekly points.
One good thing was that about an hour after dessert I really wanted something else sweet. I thought about the rest of that tube of cookie dough in the fridge that I really should just throw out. It was tough to not go cut off a chunk. It sounded so good. But I recognized that I was plenty full, had had enough junk food today, and had no need for it. I stayed strong and didn't eat anything else except a glass of Crystal Light. I feel really good for resisting that urge, because I have been having a damn hard time of it lately.
I need a game plan though, since I work at that location 2 days a week. First, I need to stay away from the chocolates. Those are 1 point EACH! They eat up my weeklies so much faster. I could have had nine miniature candy canes for the same 3 points that I used on those chocolates. Maybe there is something else I can bring that is lower points and tastes good that I can pick at throughout the day instead. I have a bag of chocolate chips in the cupboard. 1 tablespoon is 2 pts. Maybe if I kept a little container in my locker with 1 or 2 tablespoons in it, and just eat one at a time when I feel like having a bit of chocolate... At least then the points wouldn't rack up quite so fast.
My boyfriend Jeremy's birthday is tomorrow. He is turning 35. We're not doing anything tomorrow, but I'm making a nice dinner and a birthday dessert. I started making it tonight, and it's a rather disconcerting shade of blue. Muh-ha-ha-ha! I will definitely post pictures tomorrow.
Here's part of my breakfast for today. Two turkey sausages and two basted eggs. I cut one egg open to show off the purty yellow yolk :P
Here's my dinner, chicken and veggie stir fry with brown rice:
Here is what I have planned for tomorrow so far-
Breakfast:
smoothie with light soy milk, banana, and frozen mango - 1 pt
2 turkey sausages - 2 pts
1 packet of blueberry protein pancake mix cooked with 1 tsp canola oil - 3 pts
(I buy the mixes here and they are really good. I like the Protidiet brand.)
1 T sugar free syrup - 0 pt
4 gummy kids vitamins - 1 pt
Lunch:
low carb yogurt - 2 pt
1 cup strawberries - 0 pt
1 clementine - 0 pt
2 Wasa light rye crackers - 1 pt
2 light Laughing Cow cheese wedges - 2 pt
Dinner:
shrimp and pasta bake with mozzarella, goat cheese and zucchini - 8 pt
(He's letting me use a little bit of the Dreamfields pasta with dinner! Yay! I hope this turns into a regular thing)
Dessert:
secret mystery blue birthday dessert - 3 pt
I still have at least 6 points to use up, but I'm not sure what to use it on yet. Probably some kind of snacks for work.
One good thing was that about an hour after dessert I really wanted something else sweet. I thought about the rest of that tube of cookie dough in the fridge that I really should just throw out. It was tough to not go cut off a chunk. It sounded so good. But I recognized that I was plenty full, had had enough junk food today, and had no need for it. I stayed strong and didn't eat anything else except a glass of Crystal Light. I feel really good for resisting that urge, because I have been having a damn hard time of it lately.
I need a game plan though, since I work at that location 2 days a week. First, I need to stay away from the chocolates. Those are 1 point EACH! They eat up my weeklies so much faster. I could have had nine miniature candy canes for the same 3 points that I used on those chocolates. Maybe there is something else I can bring that is lower points and tastes good that I can pick at throughout the day instead. I have a bag of chocolate chips in the cupboard. 1 tablespoon is 2 pts. Maybe if I kept a little container in my locker with 1 or 2 tablespoons in it, and just eat one at a time when I feel like having a bit of chocolate... At least then the points wouldn't rack up quite so fast.
My boyfriend Jeremy's birthday is tomorrow. He is turning 35. We're not doing anything tomorrow, but I'm making a nice dinner and a birthday dessert. I started making it tonight, and it's a rather disconcerting shade of blue. Muh-ha-ha-ha! I will definitely post pictures tomorrow.
Here's part of my breakfast for today. Two turkey sausages and two basted eggs. I cut one egg open to show off the purty yellow yolk :P
Here's my dinner, chicken and veggie stir fry with brown rice:
Here is what I have planned for tomorrow so far-
Breakfast:
smoothie with light soy milk, banana, and frozen mango - 1 pt
2 turkey sausages - 2 pts
1 packet of blueberry protein pancake mix cooked with 1 tsp canola oil - 3 pts
(I buy the mixes here and they are really good. I like the Protidiet brand.)
1 T sugar free syrup - 0 pt
4 gummy kids vitamins - 1 pt
Lunch:
low carb yogurt - 2 pt
1 cup strawberries - 0 pt
1 clementine - 0 pt
2 Wasa light rye crackers - 1 pt
2 light Laughing Cow cheese wedges - 2 pt
Dinner:
shrimp and pasta bake with mozzarella, goat cheese and zucchini - 8 pt
(He's letting me use a little bit of the Dreamfields pasta with dinner! Yay! I hope this turns into a regular thing)
Dessert:
secret mystery blue birthday dessert - 3 pt
I still have at least 6 points to use up, but I'm not sure what to use it on yet. Probably some kind of snacks for work.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Friend Makin' Monday- My dream guy
Ok, before I go to bed I'm going to do this one. Even though it's not technically Monday anymore. If you haven't done FMM before, check out All The Weigh for the rules:
The topic is to describe your ideal mate:
I don't really care what he looks like. I ideally he has all of his teeth. I prefer that he not have any overwhelming bad odors, at least most of the time. I don't care how tall he is, what his body is shaped like, how much money he makes, what kind of car he drives, or even if he drives at all. He should like kids enough to want to be around mine, because she will be part of my life forever. But he can't want any of his own, because the factory is closed.
He should be atheist or agnostic like me, because it's important for me to have a partner who shares my beliefs (or non-beliefs, as it were). But he also needs to have a balanced and accepting attitude toward religion as most of my friends and family are religious, and my father is retired from the ministry, so I have utmost respect for the beliefs of others. Religious intolerance is bigotry to me, and no different than being racist or sexist. He should also be more liberal than conservative, ideally a LOT more liberal. We don't need to agree on everything, but I want my mate to have the same values as I do.
He has to be ok with dating someone who is bipolar, and is willing to handle it with sensitivity but also not be afraid to tell me if he thinks it's not being fully contained. Anyone who feels mental illness isn't real, can be "cured" by diet and exercise, or can just be "gotten over" need not apply. Personal experience with successful abnormal psychology management is preferred, but not required. I will train the right candidate who is willing to learn and keep an open mind.
We should have some overlap in style of humor, tastes in music, movies, and television. We should be closely matched in Scrabble skills, if at all possible. He should be a kind person who gets along easily with others, and treats everyone with respect, not just me. He should be responsible, motivated, and he should care about the quality of his work regardless of what he does or whether it's his dream job. If he is unhappy with circumstances in his life he should be willing to make steps to change them. He should be easy going and an effective communicator. He should be comfortable with who he is instead of attempting to fit the mold of what he thinks I want him to be like. He should follow through on his commitments, whether small or large.
The following attributes with be looked upon VERY favorably:
I think this is the guy, right here. Though, this one kicks my ass at Scrabble. You can't have everything.
The topic is to describe your ideal mate:
I don't really care what he looks like. I ideally he has all of his teeth. I prefer that he not have any overwhelming bad odors, at least most of the time. I don't care how tall he is, what his body is shaped like, how much money he makes, what kind of car he drives, or even if he drives at all. He should like kids enough to want to be around mine, because she will be part of my life forever. But he can't want any of his own, because the factory is closed.
He should be atheist or agnostic like me, because it's important for me to have a partner who shares my beliefs (or non-beliefs, as it were). But he also needs to have a balanced and accepting attitude toward religion as most of my friends and family are religious, and my father is retired from the ministry, so I have utmost respect for the beliefs of others. Religious intolerance is bigotry to me, and no different than being racist or sexist. He should also be more liberal than conservative, ideally a LOT more liberal. We don't need to agree on everything, but I want my mate to have the same values as I do.
He has to be ok with dating someone who is bipolar, and is willing to handle it with sensitivity but also not be afraid to tell me if he thinks it's not being fully contained. Anyone who feels mental illness isn't real, can be "cured" by diet and exercise, or can just be "gotten over" need not apply. Personal experience with successful abnormal psychology management is preferred, but not required. I will train the right candidate who is willing to learn and keep an open mind.
We should have some overlap in style of humor, tastes in music, movies, and television. We should be closely matched in Scrabble skills, if at all possible. He should be a kind person who gets along easily with others, and treats everyone with respect, not just me. He should be responsible, motivated, and he should care about the quality of his work regardless of what he does or whether it's his dream job. If he is unhappy with circumstances in his life he should be willing to make steps to change them. He should be easy going and an effective communicator. He should be comfortable with who he is instead of attempting to fit the mold of what he thinks I want him to be like. He should follow through on his commitments, whether small or large.
The following attributes with be looked upon VERY favorably:
- he makes me laugh harder than I can remember laughing in a long time
- I feel a little mushy every time I get a text from him, even if it's just to say hi
- he just tells me that he likes me rather than making me decipher his every word for clues
- his actions match up to what he says
- he is just as happy grocery shopping with me as he is going to a movie or a bar
- he doesn't take himself or anything else too seriously
- he would absolutely not be content to go even a day without some contact with me
I think this is the guy, right here. Though, this one kicks my ass at Scrabble. You can't have everything.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Tomorrow
I had my manager add two more hours to my shifts this week, so I'll be working 1pm to 7pm tomorrow and Wednesday and 10am to 4pm on Friday. Sunday I am going to keep at 4 hours I think. I planned out my meals in the e-tools tracker. I have 29 points down so far, and I'll probably have some kind of snack in there somewhere, but I don't know what yet. Here's what I have down:
Breakfast:
Smoothie with light soy milk, banana, frozen peaches: 1 pt
2 eggs, basted in 1 tsp canola oil: 5 pt
2 Jennie O turkey sausages: 2 pt (the fresh ones are lower points than the frozen ones btw, and I like them a bit better)
4 gummy vitamins: 1 pt
Lunch:
Chicken salad (2 oz canned chicken, 1 T light mayo, 1 T pickle relish, 1 t dijon mustard, 1 t olive oil) sandwich on light whole wheat bread with lettuce: 6 pt
Clementine: 0 pt
Sugar free lime Jell-O with canned mandarin oranges: 0 pt
Dinner:
Stir fry with 3 oz chicken breast, 1 cup broccoli, 1/4 red bell pepper, 1 T soy sauce, 1/2 t sesame oil, 1 tsp ground ginger, 1 tsp cornstarch: 4 pt
1/2 cup brown rice: 3 pt
1 cup light soy milk: 1 pt
Dessert:
1 pumpkin brownie with 1/2 cup low fat frozen yogurt: 6 pt
I need to take the chicken breast out of the freezer now because it takes a long time to thaw in the fridge.
I will leave you with an amusing photo of my boyfriend and the cat.
Breakfast:
Smoothie with light soy milk, banana, frozen peaches: 1 pt
2 eggs, basted in 1 tsp canola oil: 5 pt
2 Jennie O turkey sausages: 2 pt (the fresh ones are lower points than the frozen ones btw, and I like them a bit better)
4 gummy vitamins: 1 pt
Lunch:
Chicken salad (2 oz canned chicken, 1 T light mayo, 1 T pickle relish, 1 t dijon mustard, 1 t olive oil) sandwich on light whole wheat bread with lettuce: 6 pt
Clementine: 0 pt
Sugar free lime Jell-O with canned mandarin oranges: 0 pt
Dinner:
Stir fry with 3 oz chicken breast, 1 cup broccoli, 1/4 red bell pepper, 1 T soy sauce, 1/2 t sesame oil, 1 tsp ground ginger, 1 tsp cornstarch: 4 pt
1/2 cup brown rice: 3 pt
1 cup light soy milk: 1 pt
Dessert:
1 pumpkin brownie with 1/2 cup low fat frozen yogurt: 6 pt
I need to take the chicken breast out of the freezer now because it takes a long time to thaw in the fridge.
I will leave you with an amusing photo of my boyfriend and the cat.
Weigh in today
I have lost 0.4 pounds, bringing me to 145.4 lbs and a total loss of 3.2 lbs. It's been over a week since my last weigh in, since I had to switch from Friday meetings to Mondays. It's not a big loss, but I don't even feel like it's deserved because I went over my points the last two weeks (only by about 5 last week, but still). I'm going to do better this week.
I learned about this website from one of my friend's Facebook posts, Listia.com. I wanted to share it because I thought it was a great idea for those of us who are changing sizes frequently. (Just for the sake of full disclosure, I do get a small kick-back if you join through that link) Basically it's a free auction site. You "buy" and "sell" items for credits. You can either offer free shipping or have the buyer pay for shipping. I am planning to list some clothing items that barely got worn before I was too small for them, and use the credits toward "new" clothes when I need a new size. You get some free credits just for signing up, and for going through the tutorial, so I already got a free cute hot pink and white dress in my current size for 207 credits plus $3.00 shipping, and I received it very quickly too. I just think it's a well done site, and would be a useful site for my fellow bloggers.
I learned about this website from one of my friend's Facebook posts, Listia.com. I wanted to share it because I thought it was a great idea for those of us who are changing sizes frequently. (Just for the sake of full disclosure, I do get a small kick-back if you join through that link) Basically it's a free auction site. You "buy" and "sell" items for credits. You can either offer free shipping or have the buyer pay for shipping. I am planning to list some clothing items that barely got worn before I was too small for them, and use the credits toward "new" clothes when I need a new size. You get some free credits just for signing up, and for going through the tutorial, so I already got a free cute hot pink and white dress in my current size for 207 credits plus $3.00 shipping, and I received it very quickly too. I just think it's a well done site, and would be a useful site for my fellow bloggers.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Wth, ipod?!
Why in the hell would my shuffle just randomly delete all but about seven songs all by itself? It hasn't even been out of my purse since I went to Alaska. Could the airport x ray have wiped it, and if so, why did it spare Soft Cell and Richard Marx? I hate this stupid thing. I want to get another Creative player. That's what I get for buying electronics from a vending machine.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Going better
Yesterday was a little tough. I had a smoothie before I left for work, and an ounce of gouda and two huge strawberries on the way there. But then when I got there I was totally booked and didn't get to eat anything again until I left a little after 2. I sat at the bus stop and inhaled my chicken sandwich, two more huge strawberries, and a yogurt. Not even so much because I was hungry (though I was) but because I wanted that lemon pie I had packed.
It reminded me of when I was little and I'd stuff myself on dinner because I had to finish it if I wanted dessert. And I ALWAYS wanted dessert. I remember throwing up one Christmas eve when I was 9 because I'd been eating chocolate all day long. My aunt had molded some chocolates in the shape of teddy bears, trains, drums, and she'd put orange flavoring in them and set them all over my grandparents' house in candy dishes. Every time I walked by I took one or six. I don't even think it was emotional eating. I think I'm just wired that way. My parents didn't go to either extreme as far as sweets were concerned. We had normal amounts at regular intervals. But every time I had a chance to eat more, I would, and as much as possible. As if I would never see another piece of chocolate again. It didn't matter how many times I made myself sick. I sometimes took a cup of sugar, stirred in a packet of kool-aid, and then added water a few drops at a time until it reached a sludgey sort of consistency, and then I'd eat it with a spoon.
I don't think my parents had any idea how much sugar I really ate. I was never overweight until after college though, and I was generally pretty skinny until I was 11 or 12 at which I hit puberty and filled out to an average size. This prompted my parents and grandparents to think I was getting fat and make comments about my size, which backfired in the most spectacular way.
Today has been easier in that I haven't felt the same frantic need to eat my meals so I can get to my damn sweets already. I made a shake for breakfast with soy milk, chocolate whey protein, a frozen banana and a tablespoon of peanut butter. It was good and kept me full for a while. I was going to make grilled cheese for lunch, only to find that I had half a loaf of moldy @#$%& bread. I made a quesadilla instead and had it with an orange and a cinnamon roll pudding cup. I just ate my second to last lemon pie also. I have fish tacos and brussels sprouts planned for dinner, and some sugar free lime jell-o with mandarin oranges setting for after dinner.
It reminded me of when I was little and I'd stuff myself on dinner because I had to finish it if I wanted dessert. And I ALWAYS wanted dessert. I remember throwing up one Christmas eve when I was 9 because I'd been eating chocolate all day long. My aunt had molded some chocolates in the shape of teddy bears, trains, drums, and she'd put orange flavoring in them and set them all over my grandparents' house in candy dishes. Every time I walked by I took one or six. I don't even think it was emotional eating. I think I'm just wired that way. My parents didn't go to either extreme as far as sweets were concerned. We had normal amounts at regular intervals. But every time I had a chance to eat more, I would, and as much as possible. As if I would never see another piece of chocolate again. It didn't matter how many times I made myself sick. I sometimes took a cup of sugar, stirred in a packet of kool-aid, and then added water a few drops at a time until it reached a sludgey sort of consistency, and then I'd eat it with a spoon.
I don't think my parents had any idea how much sugar I really ate. I was never overweight until after college though, and I was generally pretty skinny until I was 11 or 12 at which I hit puberty and filled out to an average size. This prompted my parents and grandparents to think I was getting fat and make comments about my size, which backfired in the most spectacular way.
Today has been easier in that I haven't felt the same frantic need to eat my meals so I can get to my damn sweets already. I made a shake for breakfast with soy milk, chocolate whey protein, a frozen banana and a tablespoon of peanut butter. It was good and kept me full for a while. I was going to make grilled cheese for lunch, only to find that I had half a loaf of moldy @#$%& bread. I made a quesadilla instead and had it with an orange and a cinnamon roll pudding cup. I just ate my second to last lemon pie also. I have fish tacos and brussels sprouts planned for dinner, and some sugar free lime jell-o with mandarin oranges setting for after dinner.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Results
The rest of my day went relatively well. I wound up buying roughly 40 lbs of groceries, which I then had to carry half a mile home. I did buy some cookies and cream frozen yogurt, and I did taste the yogurt before putting it away, but at least it wasn't a whole bowlful or anything. Baby steps.
Dinner was really good and quite satisfying for something lowish in carbs. Let me get something out there. I am not a fan of low carb diets. Not because I think they are bad for you or don't work. I think the human body can adapt to a wide variety of eating styles and low carb can be quite healthy, plus it also works much better for many people. I am not a fan because I am not really a meat eater in general, and I rarely eat red meat or pork products. Chicken, fish, low carb vegetarian sources and veggies do not make for a very satisfying meal for me.
The reason I make low carb dinners is for my boyfriend. He insists that he bloats up from eating carbs. He does. Because when he eats carbs it is in the form of an entire large bag of potato chips and a giant thick-breaded deli sandwich, or a value pack of pizza rolls and a box of Reese's Puff cereal. I wish I was kidding. I got tired of him bringing that stuff into the house nearly every night because having to see it and smell it for the 3-4 hours it took him to eat it (slowest eater ever too) drove me insane. I told him I'd be happy to make him dinner as it takes no more effort to make two portions than it does to make one. He said he would be ok with that except the dinners I make are "too carby" (my head almost imploded when he said that). We finally came upon the agreement that I would make dinner, and that I would not have to adhere to any strict carb limits or provide him a carb count for it so long as I did not include any fruits, starches or overly carby sauces in it. He still buys some junk food, but the frequency has been greatly reduced and I am much happier.
About half the time I will make myself a half cup of rice, pasta, or corn to mix in to whatever we are having, but I didn't do that for tonight's dinner because it was fairly pointy already. I sliced up a small zucchini, two Tofurkey Italian sausages, and about a cup of white mushrooms and sauteed them for a few minutes in 2 teaspoons of olive oil. Then I mixed in a cup of a marinara sauce from Trader Joe's with only 1 pt per serving, and a half cup of part skim shredded mozzarella. I transferred it into a loaf pan, sprinkled the top with another 1/4 cup of mozzarella and about a half tablespoon of parm. I threw it in the oven for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Half of the pan came out to 13 pts. It also provided one healthy oil, 1 serving of dairy, and 3 servings of vegetables. It was really hearty and yummy. I didn't even miss the fact that it didn't have pasta in it.
After dinner I decided to finally use that box of brownie mix I had had for six months and try out some pumpkin brownies. I could only find the large cans of pumpkin at the store. I didn't know how much I was supposed to use, but I think I may have used too much. They are sort of cakey and fudgey at the same time, and taste quite strongly of pumpkin. It's more of a vegetable-y taste than a pumpkin pie taste, but I've decided that's ok. The mix made 20 servings at 3 pts each, so I measured the batter into 20 cupcake liners and baked them for half an hour.
I ate the first one right out of the oven with a half cup of cookies and cream low fat frozen yogurt, and I have no complaints on how it tasted at all. But it was really crumbly and sort of stuck to the liner a bit. So after they cooled off all the way I had another one to make sure the liner came off cleanly. It did. Crisis averted. I saw one more that was quite a bit smaller than the others, so I ate that one too and I counted 2 points for it. Now I am satisfied that the wrappers come off easily and they are all about the same size, so I can freeze the rest and enjoy them in much smaller quantities in the future. Preferably re-heated with frozen yogurt, because that really hit the spot.
Tomorrow I work from 10am to 2pm. I have about an hour commute each way so I'm going to bring my lunch to eat after work on the bus. I'm going to try very hard to stick to 29-31 points for the next three days because I have found it to work better if I don't eat a bunch of weeklies at least a day or two before weigh in. I only have like 17 left anyway. Here's my meal plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast-
Smoothie made with light soy milk, 1 banana and 1 cup frozen mango chunks = 1 pt
Low carb yogurt (I like them better than the fat free light ones and they have the same points) = 2 pts
4 childrens' gummy vitamins shaped like dinosaurs = 1 pt
Lunch-
Chicken salad sandwich made with light whole wheat bread, 2 oz canned chicken, 1 T light mayo, 1 t dijon mustard, 1 t olive oil, romaine lettuce = 6 pts
1 C strawberries = 0 pts
1 oz. reduced fat smoked gouda = 2 pts
1 baby lemon pie = 4 pts
Dinner-
1 C steamed cauliflower = 0 pts
3 oz. cooked shrimp = 2 pts
1/2 C corn = 2 pts
1/4 C Philly Cooking Cream Santa Fe flavor = 3 pts
1 t canola oil = 1 pt
After Dinner-
1 pumpkin brownie = 3 pts
1/2 C cookies and cream frozen yogurt = 3 pts
1 T sugar free chocolate syrup = 0 pts
This come out to 29 points and includes just over 2 servings of dairy, 2 tsp healthy oils, 1 multivitamin, 9 servings of fruits and vegetables, 5 oz. of lean protein, 2 servings of whole grains (3 if you count the corn), and 10 points worth of desserts. I think I did ok. Now I just have to stick to it.
Dinner was really good and quite satisfying for something lowish in carbs. Let me get something out there. I am not a fan of low carb diets. Not because I think they are bad for you or don't work. I think the human body can adapt to a wide variety of eating styles and low carb can be quite healthy, plus it also works much better for many people. I am not a fan because I am not really a meat eater in general, and I rarely eat red meat or pork products. Chicken, fish, low carb vegetarian sources and veggies do not make for a very satisfying meal for me.
The reason I make low carb dinners is for my boyfriend. He insists that he bloats up from eating carbs. He does. Because when he eats carbs it is in the form of an entire large bag of potato chips and a giant thick-breaded deli sandwich, or a value pack of pizza rolls and a box of Reese's Puff cereal. I wish I was kidding. I got tired of him bringing that stuff into the house nearly every night because having to see it and smell it for the 3-4 hours it took him to eat it (slowest eater ever too) drove me insane. I told him I'd be happy to make him dinner as it takes no more effort to make two portions than it does to make one. He said he would be ok with that except the dinners I make are "too carby" (my head almost imploded when he said that). We finally came upon the agreement that I would make dinner, and that I would not have to adhere to any strict carb limits or provide him a carb count for it so long as I did not include any fruits, starches or overly carby sauces in it. He still buys some junk food, but the frequency has been greatly reduced and I am much happier.
About half the time I will make myself a half cup of rice, pasta, or corn to mix in to whatever we are having, but I didn't do that for tonight's dinner because it was fairly pointy already. I sliced up a small zucchini, two Tofurkey Italian sausages, and about a cup of white mushrooms and sauteed them for a few minutes in 2 teaspoons of olive oil. Then I mixed in a cup of a marinara sauce from Trader Joe's with only 1 pt per serving, and a half cup of part skim shredded mozzarella. I transferred it into a loaf pan, sprinkled the top with another 1/4 cup of mozzarella and about a half tablespoon of parm. I threw it in the oven for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees. Half of the pan came out to 13 pts. It also provided one healthy oil, 1 serving of dairy, and 3 servings of vegetables. It was really hearty and yummy. I didn't even miss the fact that it didn't have pasta in it.
After dinner I decided to finally use that box of brownie mix I had had for six months and try out some pumpkin brownies. I could only find the large cans of pumpkin at the store. I didn't know how much I was supposed to use, but I think I may have used too much. They are sort of cakey and fudgey at the same time, and taste quite strongly of pumpkin. It's more of a vegetable-y taste than a pumpkin pie taste, but I've decided that's ok. The mix made 20 servings at 3 pts each, so I measured the batter into 20 cupcake liners and baked them for half an hour.
I ate the first one right out of the oven with a half cup of cookies and cream low fat frozen yogurt, and I have no complaints on how it tasted at all. But it was really crumbly and sort of stuck to the liner a bit. So after they cooled off all the way I had another one to make sure the liner came off cleanly. It did. Crisis averted. I saw one more that was quite a bit smaller than the others, so I ate that one too and I counted 2 points for it. Now I am satisfied that the wrappers come off easily and they are all about the same size, so I can freeze the rest and enjoy them in much smaller quantities in the future. Preferably re-heated with frozen yogurt, because that really hit the spot.
Tomorrow I work from 10am to 2pm. I have about an hour commute each way so I'm going to bring my lunch to eat after work on the bus. I'm going to try very hard to stick to 29-31 points for the next three days because I have found it to work better if I don't eat a bunch of weeklies at least a day or two before weigh in. I only have like 17 left anyway. Here's my meal plan for tomorrow:
Breakfast-
Smoothie made with light soy milk, 1 banana and 1 cup frozen mango chunks = 1 pt
Low carb yogurt (I like them better than the fat free light ones and they have the same points) = 2 pts
4 childrens' gummy vitamins shaped like dinosaurs = 1 pt
Lunch-
Chicken salad sandwich made with light whole wheat bread, 2 oz canned chicken, 1 T light mayo, 1 t dijon mustard, 1 t olive oil, romaine lettuce = 6 pts
1 C strawberries = 0 pts
1 oz. reduced fat smoked gouda = 2 pts
1 baby lemon pie = 4 pts
Dinner-
1 C steamed cauliflower = 0 pts
3 oz. cooked shrimp = 2 pts
1/2 C corn = 2 pts
1/4 C Philly Cooking Cream Santa Fe flavor = 3 pts
1 t canola oil = 1 pt
After Dinner-
1 pumpkin brownie = 3 pts
1/2 C cookies and cream frozen yogurt = 3 pts
1 T sugar free chocolate syrup = 0 pts
This come out to 29 points and includes just over 2 servings of dairy, 2 tsp healthy oils, 1 multivitamin, 9 servings of fruits and vegetables, 5 oz. of lean protein, 2 servings of whole grains (3 if you count the corn), and 10 points worth of desserts. I think I did ok. Now I just have to stick to it.
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