Thursday, June 2, 2011

Kind of a frustrating day

I ordered a poster of a Salvador Dali painting for my daughter's room, and picked it up from the post office today, but when I opened it the poster was bent in the middle. There was no damage at all to the shipping tube either, so it must have been mailed out like that. I called the site and left two messages but they never called back. I just emailed them, so hopefully they will send out a replacement soon. On top of that the intake on the vacuum is clogged and it doesn't work at all. I can't get it unclogged.

I didn't go to the weigh in or meeting today either. I was just feeling lazy. There would have been around a two pound gain. On the plus side I have not overeaten yesterday or today. I bought one of those frozen pizzas that comes with boneless BBQ wings for my daughter and boyfriend since I work late Thursdays. When I got home I just had one piece of pizza and two small wings with a small glass of grapefruit juice, and it was enough. I'm still good and full. I thought about having a freezer pop since they are only one point, but I realized I didn't need it or really want it even, so I didn't have one this time. I have been brushing my teeth after I finish eating for the day, and I always thought it was silly (Like anything could stop me from eating. Ha!) but it seems to help.

I came to the realization the other day that the reason I want to lose more weight is almost entirely for my boyfriend. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. It's not like he has ever said anything about wanting me to lose weight, but he likes putting his hands on my waist and saying stuff about how tiny I am. I can tell he likes it. He says he likes that I have hips. He says he likes that he can pick me up. He said that he likes being seen with me in public because people assume that he's either rich or has a big dick (he also says that neither is true). I think he has a skewed perception of what he looks like though. I think he's very attractive. He thinks I am way out of his league. I think having a girlfriend who is smaller than him is still a novelty for him.

His ex wife literally weighs twice as much as me, and she's very apple shaped. Even though they are friends, I know he secretly enjoys that she is a little bothered by him dating a much smaller woman, and she has accused him of divorcing her because she was fat. He says this isn't true at all. He said that he was never bothered by her weight, just that she complained about it all the time and never tried to change it.

He told me that he wouldn't love me any less if I were bigger. I've lost over 30 lbs since I met him, and the picture on my dating profile were all at my highest weight when he first wrote to me. So I don't doubt that that is true. But it's also obvious to me that he gets something out of me being more conventionally attractive. And I really like the approval I get from him. I want more of it. I'm just not sure that this is a healthy reason to lose weight at all.

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