Off the fricken deep end

So, yesterday was going fine until about 4 or 5 pm. Then all hell broke loose. Not entirely sure what happened. One huge downfall about living where I do is the fact that I have one convenience store less than a block from me and another in less than two blocks. I can control my environment all I like, but I still have to contend with the fact that it's way too easy to bypass that in one impulsive moment.

I wound up not even making dinner because I made myself sick on candy, ice cream, and cookie dough. I think I started to unravel when I decided to finish off a tub of pudding in the fridge, which put me over my weekly points by about five. I changed my weigh in day to Monday, so my points were going to reset after yesterday. It was a case of the usual faulty dieter's logic. Might as well do all the damage I can now.

My boyfriend was totally my partner in crime as well. We talked about it late last night and decided we really need to do a better job reigning each other in. He's diabetic and fighting a major foot infection, looking at a strong likelyhood of losing his toe now. It's one thing for me to do this and suffer a stomache ache for a while, but it's a BFD for him, and I should not be enabling him, ever. Luckily it's fairly rare for both of us to just blow it all off at the same time, but it's so hard when we do.

I have a dr. appointment early this morning. I feel like utter hell. I am not sure if I'll be attending the meeting simply because I feel like I could puke at the moment. If I do, I am skipping the weigh in. It would be pointless, and I weighed in last Friday. I will just continue weighing in next week. What is most disappointing is that based on yesterday morning's weight taken upon waking I likely would have lost a bit more today. When I'm only losing half a poind a week on average, an overage of 1500-2000 calories has the potential to set me back quite a bit. Lesson learned.

I don't want to feel like this again. Regardless of how I came to lose most of this weight, the reality is that I was obese for about ten years, and I'm in a relationship with a guy who was morbidly obese for most of his life and is still suffering from health complications from that. Neither of us is out of the woods, so to speak. We both have a lot to be lost from going back to our previous eating patterns.

I owe it to him and myself to get back on track and to put more effort toward staying there. I am hoping that having Monday weigh ins will make me behave myself more, as weekends are a more difficult time for both of us. I have found that I can be on plan and still eat more than is comfortable or healthy for me. I need to listen to my body rather than just looking at it in terms of what I "am allowed" to do.