About me

Hello. I am 32 years old and as the blog title suggests I am doing Weight Watchers. I started about two and a half weeks ago. My blog may not be super inspiring or exciting, as I only have 15.6 lbs total to lose (13.6 as of now) but I thought it would be a fun thing to do. I live in Seattle with my boyfriend of just over a year and two cats. I am currently on disability from work after a back injury. I should be going back at the end of March. I have lots of time right now and get pretty bored.

So far I love the program. I like the changes they have made to it (higher target points, zero points fruit, and higher points for most processed things) and I am eating healthier than I ever have in my life, I'm sure. I have lost two pounds as of my last weigh in.

I started out at around 205 lbs a year and a half ago. This is not going to be a typical weight loss "success" story though. I had been fine with my size for years. I was active and healthy. My diet was pretty terrible, but it didn't bother me. I wouldn't classify myself as a binge eater. I just ate lots of junk food, regular sodas, fast foods, restaurant meals and convenience foods, and in large portions on a regular basis. I ate almost no produce too. I was also a believer in Fat Acceptance/Size Acceptance and I guess I still am. Even when I was 18 and did dumb things to stay at a very low weight I was a believer in SA for others. I think obesity is treated unfairly in the media, and a lot of what is put out there is downright misleading. I don't think being overweight or obese is de facto unhealthy, though I think the associated lifestyles can be (and are just as unhealthy for thin people).

So what changed? It was a case of bad timing. I had been doing a long term drug study for antidepressants. I gained about 25 lbs while on the study, just as an aside. Then it ended early. A couple of months early. I didn't have a psychiatrist here, as I had been on the study for most of the time I lived here, and my daughter was here for the summer, so I was low on money. I am usually fine for a while after going off ADs so long as nothing happens. So I decided to wait. But something happened.

A week or two after my daughter flew back to her dad's I was finishing up at work and went to check my texts. There was just one, a long one from my boyfriend of five months. He said he didn't love me, knew that he never could, and felt guilty about leading me on. I rushed out of work and walked home, crying. Normally when I had suicidal feelings in the past I knew if I just waited it out it would go away in a few hours. I knew this time that it wouldn't. I knew I would wake up and feel the same. I knew it would go on for a while. I just didn't want to feel it. I took and handful of pills. After an hour or two I hadn't thrown up. I started to worry. I texted him back and told him that maybe he should call 911. He asked what I had done. I wouldn't tell him. 20 minutes later he knocked on my door. I wouldn't talk to him. The last time I saw him I was sitting in the back of the ambulance as he walked out the door to my building and to his car.

The end of the story is that I wound up in the hospital for 5 days. After I was released I followed up with a psychiatrist and was re-diagnosed as bipolar. I was put on lithium. At first I didn't notice a difference in my eating or weight. But after a while I noticed I was eating less at lunch. I figured I just wasn't hungry, but then it happened more and more. And I'd get home from work and often not have dinner either. As my dose increased my appetite got smaller. At the same time I was having money issues and didn't have much to eat anyway. Since I didn't really want to eat I had no real incentive to do anything about it. I lost 30 lbs in about two months. I never thought that it would continue. I figured after a while the side effects would diminish and I'd eventually gain it back, at least most of it. Eventually I did start eating more, but by last August I weighed 155. 20lbs less from 7 months ago.

What was weird was while I wasn't really critical of my body at 205 I became so more and more as I lost weight. I didn't lose it evenly, and I had parts that were fatter and saggier. I especially hated my arms. I was and still am self conscious in short sleeves. I started going to the gym and lifting weights, hoping to tone them up, but it didn't make much visible difference. There was still a lot of fat in there. I decided that regaining weight was unlikely I'd have to lose some more.

I had been maintaining my weight for a few months so I started dieting and got to the high 140's. Then it stalled out for a few weeks, and I wasn't eating healthy, just less. I was using lots of protein shakes and other protein fortified "space food" but not much real food or produce. I had looked into Weight Watchers a few times and decided to try it out. So far I like it, and am excited about the program. I still like my junk food and use plenty of my weekly points on it. One thing I like about the program is the weeklies which I can use on eating out and things like Hostess fried pies without derailing myself or eating too much. I have to sort of spread them out, but even though I may have more one day and none the next, it all evens out in the course of a week. I think it's the key behind my success. Being able to indulge while still being on plan is working out great.