Going shopping

I need to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I'm trying to think of things I can try that are soft, mushy, or liquid. So far I've been having smoothies with peanut butter and banana, applesauce, vegetable and bean based soups, refried black beans with melted cheese, scrambled eggs with melted cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, pudding, mashed potatoes and oatmeal.

Last time around my nutritionist wanted me to drink more fruit juice so I am planning to get some white grapefruit juice, my favorite. I also ate pureed squash before, so I'll get some of that. I was thinking mashed sweet potato would be good as well. I wish I had a food processor. Maybe I could puree some canned peaches in my blender. A baked egg custard with cheese would work too. Like a boring crustless quiche. :P

I have no idea why I don't want any solid foods, specifically. I don't want anything frozen, like ice cream, either. And anything cooked that I eat has to be barely warm. It's so bizarre. It's totally boring. But if I even think about eating anything else my stomach turns. Even now it's kind of hard to get over the taste of eggs or the texture of oatmeal. But it's important for me to keep trying.

After a while I'll be able to get down a few more things. Cold pasta, cereal, salad (lettuce and dressing), most fruits, tuna salad. (now my stomach is turning) I'm glad I already have a good idea of how this is going to go. It took so much trial and error to figure this out before. I only ate like four things for weeks.

Tomorrow morning I have my meeting and will weigh in. If it's anywhere close to what I've been getting at home there will be a pretty big loss. And I already don't feel like I deserve it. I didn't earn it. Yes I started taking my medication again, which I needed to do for my health. But I never should have stopped taking it in the first place.

Why do I feel the need to feel bad about this? Someone who had gastric bypass wouldn't feel bad about it just because overeating, at least at first, isn't physically possible. Someone who lost weight going through chemo wouldn't feel bad about it. Hell, someone who had food poisoning and lost some weight wouldn't feel bad about it. What on earth is my problem?